PRANKING A POTTER
by Analese-Evans
Summary: It's her third year, and Lily Evans is already tired of Potter. He continually asks her out, he pranks students and teachers all the time and he rarely gets caught. She is about to snap when Potter makes a huge mistake and she decides to perform the impos


**PRANKING A POTTER **

**CHAPTER 1: THIS MEANS WAR**

"Come on, Evans. Go out with me" James encouraged on a cloudy October morning at breakfast.

"No, Potter. I won't go out with you." I responded for the fifth time that morning. I got up to leave when Potter grabbed my wrist. "Let go of my arm or I'll hex you into next year!" I warned him pulling out my wand. Potter let go quickly knowing from past experience that I would keep my word when it came to him.

"Fine, but soon you're going to wish you had said yes to me." he told me as his usual arrogant smirk spread across his face.

"Is that a threat, Potter?" I inquired.

"Maybe, but you'll just have to wait to find out."

"Whatever."

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That night at dinner, Potter and Black were no where in the Great Hall.

"Where are they?" I asked no one in particular.

"I don't know, but what does it matter?" Kat questioned absently, obviously uninterested.

"I've never seen them miss a meal before." Jena mentioned.

"They're up to something, I know it." I stated. As soon as I had said this, a barn owl flew through the window clutching an envelope in its beak. The beautiful bird circled above the Gryffindor table dropped the envelope so that it landed directly on my plate.

"Strange time for mail. " a Hufflepuff muttered.

I gripped the envelope addressed to myself as the owl flew out the window it had entered through. I hesitated before breaking the seal and pulling out the slip of parchment.

"Look up." I read the letter aloud before doing as it said.

I expected to see the cloudy night sky, but instead I saw a bucket floating twenty feet over my head. The bucket began to tip and out gushed a green glob of slime.

Before I had time to react, I was covered in the gunk that smelt of rotten eggs, fish, and Filch's unwashed cat. Most people would have been mortified, but not me, Lily Gwendolynn Evans. My face turned a shade of red darker than my vivid red hair.

"POTTER, YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET THE DAY YOU DECIDED TO PRANK LILY EVANS!" I shouted so thunderously loud that people in Hogsmeade could hear me.

I left the Great Hall imagining curses and their effects on Potter. On my way to Gryffindor Tower, I passed Potter and Black.

"Hey, Lils. Something wrong?" Potter asked innocently while Black stuffed his fist into his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"Don't call me that you big-headed, pig-headed pig." I muttered angrily as I treaded past the two idiots that were the cause of my insanity.

I stated the password to the Fat Lady and entered the common room. I made my way to the girls' dormitories and climbed the stairs to the third years' dorm room. I walked in and closed the door, vowing not to go beyond the door frame until I had a plan on how to get revenge.

"This means war, Potter." I voiced as I set to work.

**CHAPTER 2: PLAN OF ACTION **

**(PART ONE)**

Thirty minutes later, I was sitting on my bed, gripping a roll of parchment plastered with notes. I was so consumed in my planning that I didn't notice my friends walk in until Jena tapped me on the shoulder.

"Are you alright, Lily?" she asked me.

"Yeah, of course." I lied through my teeth.

"What're you working on?" Kat wanted to know. I saw her looking at the parchment.

"Just studying." I fibbed as I rolled up my parchment and put it into my side drawer. I didn't like hiding this anything from my friends, but I knew they wouldn't approve.

I stood up and grabbed a towel and some of my comfortable pajamas and I strolled into the bathroom. I turned on the water and magically enhanced it to spray like a shower. I shed my slimy robes and positioned myself under the hot water. One of the great things about Hogwarts was that the water immediately adjusted to the temperature you wanted it to once you turned it on. For a few minutes, I just stood under the water, letting it soak my hair and skin. Then I washed my body and my hair. Usually I sang some songs while taking my bath, but I just didn't feel like it that night.

After forty-five minutes, I turned off the water and got out. Then, I dried off and threw on my pajamas. I seized my brush and put my hair up with my clip. I opened the door to find myself alone once again.

I pulled out the parchment and a quill. I conjured a goblet of pumpkin juice and returned to my planning vengeance. As if a light bulb flashed on in my head, I remembered the Zonko's catalogue I had found in the common room the previous week.

The catalogue mentioned a skin dye that lasted twenty-four hours and came in a variety of different colors. A day would cause some damage but not enough. I decided to figure out a way to make the dye last for at least a month. I scribbled this down on a fresh piece of parchment.

Then I remembered Jena's favorite candy, salt water taffy. She had choked on a piece of it in the common room last Sunday and had accidentally spit it into my hair. I was able to remove it with magic, but Potter's friend, Remus Lupin, would know that spell from second year if I put some in Potter's hair.

A little creative thinking gave me the idea to enchant the taffy to be unaffected by magic. I remembered reading about a potion that made effects last longer, Everlasting Elixirs. I scratched this down and turned to another idea.

Previously this year, Potter had been extremely idiotic by jinxing Slytherin first years. When I told him off, he asked me out yet again and I had replied with an answer that turned his hair green, literally. He had tried everything Lupin could think of to return it to it's natural raven black color. Nothing worked and so after a month of being ridiculed, he shaved his head and drank a bottle of hair growing potion. Recently, I had been experimenting with it to make the effects last even if he did shave his head. I knew that this would add to his humiliation, but enough to match a prank of Marauder level. I decided to work with the incantation to make the effects change Potter's hair from black to bright pink. Combining all three of these schemes would actually disgrace, mortify, and embarrass Potter for a long and very enjoyable period of time.

The only hiccup in my plan was that I was clueless on how to get the potion to Potter unnoticed. But that was another plot for another time. In the mean time, my plan of action was to keep Potter out of the loop by acting as if the stupid little prank hadn't bothered me in the slightest.

I returned the parchment, ink, and quill to the drawer and extinguished the candles. I climbed into the sheets and fell into a deep slumber with a smile on my face.

**(PART TWO)**

I woke up the next day to a grumbling stomach and discovered it was mine. I decided that my plan of revenge would work soon enough. Folding back my covers, I got up and dressed in my favorite jeans and a thin fabric, long sleeve shirt. After making my bed, I opened my bedside table drawer and placed the ink, quill and my prized parchment into my book bag. I quietly closed the door so as not to disturb my sleeping roommates.

I strolled down to the Great Hall for breakfast and found it empty except for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. That was when I remember that today happened to be the first match of the season; Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Sitting at the table, eating an early breakfast, were Charlie Glenway and Greg Drillman (beaters), Lana Langston (seeker), Max Keebler (keeper), Ashleigh Bradford, Paige Matthews, and James Potter (chasers).

"Good morning, Lily." Paige said.

"Morning." I replied as I sat down next to Ashleigh and across from Potter, who just stared at his plate still full of food. I looked out the windows to see the stormy clouds that were threatening a down pour. "This rain isn't good for Quidditch, is it?"

"No, not really, but we'll manage." Charlie stated.

"Hey, Lily, can you do that water-repellent charm on my glasses again?" Lana inquired.

"Of course, hand them here." I responded cheerfully as I finished serving myself a plate of pancakes and scrambled eggs. I took out my wand and pointed it at the glasses. "Impervius."

"Thanks." Lana exclaimed as I returned the now charmed glasses.

"Not a problem." I replied as I took a bite of my breakfast.

"Hey, Potter, give her your glasses." Greg, the captain, ordered in an eager tone of voice.

Reluctantly, Potter handed me his glasses. I muttered the incantation once again and gave them back. He had been silent all morning, a feat I had never seen him achieve, or attempt for that matter, before. Not to mention the fact that he had barely touched his food since I entered the hall.

"Don't tell me that James Potter has a case of nerves." I mocked him.

Potter didn't even glance at me as he stood up and mumbled, "Meet you guys in the changing room," and sauntered out. Apparently, my plan was working better than expected.

**CHAPTER 3: FORMING AN ARMY**

I spent the remainder of the morning alone in the library. I could hear the commentary for the match and apparently Gryffindor was losing by sixty points because Potter couldn't keep the Quaffle in his hands. I laughed silently to myself.

I had searched through the titles of all the potion books in the library and discovered the one that contained what information I needed. I found three different everlasting potions, one to use on other potions, one to use for healing purposes, and one that I would rather not mention it's use. I copied the instructions and ingredients for the one for other potions and returned the book to it's shelf and left the library with a cheerful expression on my face.

I passed the Great Hall on my way to the common room. The Gryffindor table was empty and the Slytherins were not looking very happy at all. I figured that although Potter was fumbling today, Lana was able to close the point gap by catching the Golden Snitch. My grin grew as I took one last glance at the Slytherins' irritated facial expressions.

I scaled the seven flights of stairs with ease and gave the password. As the portrait swung open, a tsunami of noise echoed in the previously silent corridors. I hurriedly climbed into the common room, eager to return the Silencing Charm to working condition.

I pushed my way through the maze of celebrating house members in search of the heroes of the party. I found that everyone was celebrating except for Potter. I spotted Lupin and asked him where his friend was. He pointed me in the direction of the boys' dormitories.

I forced a path to the stairway with difficulty and climbed to the top to find the third year boys' dormitory. I knocked on the door and received no reply. I grasped the doorknob and push it open. There, lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, looking miserable, was James Potter.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the great James Potter, master Quidditch player himself." I smirked as I closed the door behind me and kneeled next to him. "Why aren't you celebrating in the arrogant way you always do, Potter?"

"Evans, can I ask you something?"

"No, Potter, I will not go out with you." I stated casually.

"It's not that, I just want to know why you're not mad at me." he uttered slowly, his voice just over a whisper.

"Well, Potter, why should I be?" I asked, sounding sincere.

"Don't play dumb, Lily, because we both know you're not. You know I played that prank on you and I heard you threat. Now, why are you acting as if it never happened?"

"I'm forgetting that it ever happened."

"WHAT?" Potter burst out as he sat up straight.

"I chose to let you be an immature, arrogant prat. It's not like I can change you."

"You aren't even going to try to stop me?"

"Nope, I feel that you will never change." I stood up and headed for the door. He didn't respond, but studied me, waiting for the catch. I opened the door and turned to say one last thing, "And I cannot force you to." Then I closed the door and returned to the party.

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It was well after midnight when I finally scaled the stairs, exhausted. Thinking that my roommates were sleeping by now, I quietly turned the doorknob. But instead of finding a dark, seemingly lifeless room, I came across my friends standing with their arms crossed, holding my parchment.

"Where did you find that?" I asked as I reached for my plans.

"It fell out of your bag when you put it down at the party. I thought it was homework, so I picked it up for you." stated Jena.

"Why didn't you tell us, Lils?" Kat interrogated.

"I thought you would try to stop me."

"Stop you?! We want to join you!" Kat exclaimed.

"Come again."

"What James did was totally uncalled for!" stated Kat.

"Completely." added Jena.

I couldn't help but smile, my friends actually approved my rule breaking. "So, what do you think of my plan?" I wanted honesty.

"It's great!"

"Bloody brilliant!"

"Except for the fact that it's going to be very difficult to get the potion into the scum undetected." mentioned Jena.

"We'll figure that out after I get some sleep." I yawned. And with that, we got into our pajamas and went to bed.

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The next day, I helped the girls finish their remaining homework. We had finished by lunchtime. We got to work experimenting with the hair color changing spell. We didn't want to use our hair, so we used Kat's cat, Pokey.

We sat on the floor of the common room, laughing hysterically as we watched Pokey's fur go from it's natural gray to bright green then deep red then pale orange. Finally, about two hours later, and a rainbow of colors later, Pokey was a very bright, very vibrant pink.

"Perfect!" I exclaimed joyously as I scratched down the incantation we had just used.

"Yeah, he'll never know what hit him!" Kat proclaimed louder than she had intended.

"Who won't know what hit him?"

We gasped and turned around to find Lupin looking over our shoulders.

"This looks like a plan to prank someone." Lupin stated as he looked at the parchment beside Pokey. "I wonder who Lily Evans would wish to prank."

**CHAPTER 4: SPY ON ENEMY LINES**

"Remus, please, it's just for fun." Jena sputtered, panicking.

"I am not stupid. Being a Marauder, I know a prank when I see one, and this is a plan for a prank. In fact, it's a highly skillful plot." Lupin retorted, looking and sounding impressed.

"Well, I was extremely angry when I wrote that out, but I have no intention of going through with it now." I returned, calmly lying through my teeth.

"Don't get me wrong here, Evans, James is like a brother to me, but what he did to you was way out of line. Your ideas are rather advanced for someone like yourself, but I am afraid that this potion will not be easy to get to James unobserved."

"What is your suggestion?" I inquired, surprised that Lupin didn't plan on telling Potter.

"Accepting the help of a person on the inside." Lupin grinned with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Hold up, wait a minute. YOU'RE willing to help US prank one of your friend?!" Kat and Jena asked in unison and disbelief.

"Sure, that is, if it's alright with you three." Lupin added.

"Welcome to the team." I told him as he shook our hands in agreement.

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Over the next week, Lupin and I worked on the potion. The following Saturday was a Hogsmeade weekend and Potter was back to his old self. By Friday at dinner, he had asked me to go with him every time he saw me, and as usual, I responded with a no.

Kat, Jena, and I had decided that we would be getting the salt water taffy and skin-dye.

I left during dessert, like I always did to avoid Potter (he never leaves in the middle of a meal). I entered Gryffindor Tower and summoned my book, Uglies (a Muggle story). I sat down on my favorite reading spot, the window seat closest to the fire, and began to read.

I had read through one and a half chapters before the rest of Gryffindor returned from a filling dessert. I tried my best to sneak up to my dorm without Potter noticing, but he had grown to expect this and cut me off a few feet from the stairway.

"Hey Evans, missed you at dessert. No matter, you want to join me at Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Potter wanted to know as he ran a hand through his hair.

"No bloody way, Potter." was my response.

And I ducked under the arm that was blocking my path and climbed up to bed.

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After breakfast the next morning, third years and up made their way into Hogsmeade. Jena, Kat, and I headed straight for Honeyduke's Sweetshop.

"How much should we get?" Kat asked.

"Just to be safe, five Sickles worth." I responded.

We received many strange looks from the shop's staff, but ignored them. We paid for the salt water taffy and left.

"Next stop, Zonko's Joke Shop." stated Jena.

"Well, Evans, why are you going to Zonko's?"

I flinched as I recognized the voice. I turned around and spotted at none other than the Marauders themselves, gripping a few bags from Zonko's.

"To learn what to expect from the idiots who prank people." I glared pointedly at Potter and Black.

"Hey Evans, want to get a butterbeer with me?" Potter ran a hand through his already messed up hair.

"No, Potter. I'd rather die before getting a butterbeer or anything for that matter with you." I spat back as I turned on my heel and marched toward Zonko's.

"Wow, I have never seen so many colors for a single product in all my life." Jena gasped in amazement.

"Well, let's find one that will mortify him until his on the brink of tears." I grinned as I began to search through the many colors.

"JACKPOT!" I cried out as I reached for a bottle of glow-in-the-dark, dramatic purple dye. I bought two bottles.

"I'm going to head up, I still have to finish my extra credit for Care of Magical Creatures." I told my friends.

"Alright, but I kind of wanted to see the village a bit." Kat replied.

"That's okay, what about you, Jena?"

"I do as well." Jena mumbled.

"Well, enjoy yourselves, and I'll see you at dinner. I'll put the dye in the potion." I smiled and meandered up to the castle.

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That night after dinner, the three of us met up with Lupin in the Room of Requirement to continue our planning.

"James has no clue that anything is going on, and neither does Sirius." Lupin informed us.

"Good, please make sure it stays that way." I encouraged him. "I want to get Potter on Monday, at dinner, as soon as he asks me out."

"Is the dye in the potion?" Lupin inquired.

"Lily added it right after lunch." Jena voiced.

"How are we going to get him to drink it?" Kat wanted to know.

Lupin and I exchanged a sly grin.

"Me." he told her.

"Remus will put the potion in his pumpkin juice once Potter and Black are distracted by my turning his hair pink and you two levitating the taffy onto his head." I informed my best friends.

"Right." Lupin interjected. "well, I have to go, I still have that extra credit assignment for Kettleburn's class. Meet me back here at 10:30 tomorrow morning, Lily."

Lupin left the room and the three of us followed suit.

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I spent Sunday in my dorm room, working on homework. I left at 10:00 and came back at 11:00 in the morning.

I went down to the common room during dinner and continued reading my book, Pretties (the sequel to my previous book). I settled into my usual spot and was then consumed by the story.

It wasn't until Black stole my book out of my hands and caused me to lose my place that I noticed the time.

"Wow, Evans, long time no see." He stated.

"Yeah, Where have you been all day?" Potter asked as he ran a hand through his hair once again.

I snatched my book and stated, "Avoiding the likes of you two."

"Oh come now. That was just harsh." Black announced with a look of pretend hurt on his face.

"And here I came to ask you a serious question." Potter added.

"No, Potter. I won't go out with you." I told him firmly as I stood up and headed for the girls' dormitory.

"Bloody hell, Evans. And you call James self-centered." Black voiced.

"Yeah, I was just going to ask you to study with me." Potter stated.

At these words I suppressed a laugh with some difficulty and turned to face them.

"Why not study with Lupin?" I inquired sarcastically.

"Because he's not that great to look at. No offense, mate." Potter added.

"None taken." Lupin replied.

"So, it's a study date." I didn't even have to ask.

"Why does everything have to be about dating with you, Evans?" Potter questioned.

"Because that's all you want to do with me, Potter." I snapped. "Not to mention every other girl in school."

"Could it possibly be that James here wants to study with the top of the class. It's not his fault that person just happens to be the girl who is the object of his affections." Lupin argued.

"I don't believe in coincidences." I stated flatly. And I turned on my heel and scaled the stairs.

**CHAPTER 5: ON THE BATTLEFIELD**

Monday flew by as a blur of notes and "no's". Potter continued to pester me with date offers and I continued to count down the minutes until dinner.

When the time finally came, I couldn't conceal my excitement.

"Calm down. Black is looking suspicious." Jena warned me as I wouldn't stop grinning throughout dinner.

Potter was taking his time in asking me out that meal and I was growing impatient. I stood up and wandered over to where the Marauders were seated.

"Lupin, when is that Transfiguration essay due?" I asked casually.

"Wednesday." he responded as he reached for another roll.

"thanks."

"Hey, Evans. Want to go out with me this weekend?" Potter finally asked.

"Get it through your big head. I don't nor will I ever want to go out with you, Potter!" I stated loudly.

"Come on, you know you want to." Potter stood and grabbed my wrist.

"Let go of my arm, Potter." I warned him sternly as I pulled out my wand.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lupin clutch his pocket.

"I'll let go of your arm as soon as you say you'll go out with me." Potter smirked.

"You'll let go of my arm now." I shouted as I kicked his shin. "VERTO-SAETA-VISA!"

As soon as the spell was put into effect, Kat and Jena levitated the boulder-sized glob of salt water taffy over Potter's head and it fell into his now bright, intensely-pink hair.

While the Great Hall burst with laughter, Black jumped up and gave a great effort to help his humiliated friend and stifle his laughter at the same time.

Lupin recognized his cue and stretched out for Potter's goblet. He poured the vile of everlasting skin-dye into the pumpkin juice and muttered a spell to hide the color. He put his wand away and rushed to "help" (air quotes used here) Potter.

"Here, James. Drink this." Lupin offered the potion-tainted juice. It was finished in one gulp.

I grinned at how easily my plan was being pulled off. I watched as Potter's skin turn to a quite visible lavender.

I took a chance and glanced up at the staff table. I hadn't expected what I found. Professor Dumbledore was clearly and openly enjoying my prank, and Professor McGonagall was trying extremely hard to hide the grin that was creeping onto her usually stern features.

I smiled and slyly winked at Lupin as a nonverbal thanks for his help and he returned it with a slight nod and a tiny smirk.

My face broke into the widest grin as I returned my gaze back to Black, who was now rolling on the floor, clutching his sides, and laughing hysterically.

And finally, my eyes fell upon my victim. His hair was more hot pink than Pokey's fur had been, but I didn't view it as a bad thing. And it wasn't entirely visible due to the sticky mess of salt water taffy covering most of his head. His face and hands were still glowing lavender, but my favorite part was the expression on his face as he realized the big picture and who had caused it. Potter's eyes were the widest I had ever seen, they reminded me of a deer's as it stared into the headlights of a car that was about to hit it. His mouth was opened to it's fullest extent, and that was enormous!

When the laughter had died enough for me to be heard, I decided to rub Potter's face into the humiliation he was now facing.

"Well, Potter, it looks like someone has pranked the unprankable." I proclaimed with pride.

"YOU?! Evans, you did this to James?!" Black gasped between laughs. "Bloody hell, I had no idea you had it in you. I mean, this is a high quality prank!" Black continued as he patted me on the back.

"But why?" Potter stuttered quietly.

"Because you have tortured everyone in this school, and not just the students." I explained. "And when you dumped slime on me because I refused to go out with you, I snapped and knew that someone had to show you what it's like."

And with those words, I turned around and finished my dinner.

**CHAPTER 6: THE AFTERMATH**

That night, I was ambushed by compliments and congratulations on my triumph. When I got to the Gryffindor common room for my reading session, I found Potter in my spot, alone.

"Potter, what do you want? And if it's an apology, then you can forget it. You got what you deserved." I told him as I approached with my new book in the trilogy, Specials.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Lily Flower." he stated as he stood up and placed his arm on my shoulders. "But I do want you to know that if you were trying to get me to leave you alone, you failed."

"What are you talking about, Potter?" I spat back as I threw his arm off of me.

"Just that your little practical joke didn't stop me from liking you at all." he responded placing his arm at my waist. "In fact, it made me like you even more. I think I'm in love."

Before I had a chance to shove him off me, he kissed me on the cheek and smirked. "Good night, My Dear Flower. Until tomorrow."

He headed for the boys' dormitory when I shouted, "Good luck getting to sleep with your new night light!"

Once Potter was out of ear shot and I was alone, I muttered, "Bloody hell, damn it!"

**THE END**


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